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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26339128">Stay, If You Want</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/undeadsnorlax/pseuds/undeadsnorlax'>undeadsnorlax</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Umbrella Academy (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkward Conversations, Five briefly appears, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Soft Vanya Hargreeves, set during s2ep4, whilst Luther is as awkward as ever and stewing in his guilt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:10:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26339128</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/undeadsnorlax/pseuds/undeadsnorlax</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fallout from his last fight, instead of pushing her away, Luther asks Vanya to stay.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Luther Hargreeves &amp; Vanya Hargreeves</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Stay, If You Want</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I just wanted them to talk a little longer and Luther to work through his guilt a little more. Also, ~headcanons~</p><p>I was gonna do a writing challenge next month but I've mentally lost the motivation for the idea I had so uhh,, here's one of the things I ended up finishing already.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Luther was still shaking with rage, glaring out the hole in the brickwork at Five’s stupid smug face.<br/>He’d been doing so well in this new life he led, and he’d fucked it all up in one swift swoop. <em>So typical.</em></p><p>He wanted to be alone, he knew how to deal with being alone...find somewhere to stuff his face and hope he still had a room when he got back to stew in feeling miserable.</p><p>But he looked at Vanya, her eyes wide and sympathetic and he sighed heavily before she could turn away, his chest aching. “I…no…<em>stay</em>. If you really want.”</p><p>He’d spent a year without any of his family, nearly fifteen if counting back in their true time, he shouldn’t push them away when they came to him anymore. He had to learn that.</p><p>He sat back down on his bed heavily, the springs creaking in protest, letting his shoulders slump weakly as he rubbed his already bandaged knuckles. Vanya hovered for a moment, before cupping his chin and raising it.</p><p>“Would you like me to clean you up?” she asked.</p><p>“...go ahead.”</p><p>He handed her the flannel she’d originally given him when he woke up, pointed out where she could find some antiseptic cream he kept in a crude first aid kit, which she quickly gathered.</p><p>“What is it you want to know?” he asked, wincing just slightly as she pressed the now soaked flannel against his brow, feeling cold water trickle down his cheek.</p><p>“I don’t know. Anything. Like I said, Five’s told me some things, like the powers and our father and...well, you told me about blowing up the moon.”</p><p>She gave a thin smile. “Sounds almost funny when you say it out loud.”</p><p>Luther thought of that night in the Icarus Theatre, a heavy feeling deep in his gut, but nodded with a quick forced grin. “Yeah. Kinda ridiculous. But that’s how things are with us.”</p><p>“Does Five always keep secrets that big?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, he’s...a bit crazy. You can’t blame him really. Forty something years stuck in the apocalypse...” Luther shot a glare out the hole in the wall again. “Still, he’s a real asshole.”</p><p>He cleared his throat, finding himself scratching at his upper thighs in anxious thought. “Uh...do you remember playing the violin?”</p><p>“No...”<br/>Vanya moved away for a moment to rinse the cloth of blood, back turned from him. “Was I any good?”</p><p>“Oh, the best. You were in an orchestra, you got to first chair.”</p><p>He didn’t mention <em>how</em> she’d gotten that position. Let someone with a bit more speech skill explain about her ex-boyfriend, he’d been clunky enough telling her she destroyed the world.</p><p>“Uh, you were always practising when we were kids,” he continued, moving his hands to grip the bedsheets – he’d been getting too repetitive with scratching his thighs. “We’d come back from missions and you’d be playing and it was...beautiful. Having music fill the house always set us at ease.”</p><p>“W-wow.” Vanya turned back, her cheeks a shy shade of pink. “I wonder if I could still play? Like, if the muscle memory is still there.”</p><p>Luther blinked, letting out a soft <em>‘huh’</em>. “I...don’t know. Would be pretty cool.”</p><p>The damp cloth was now pressed against his bruised jaw, soothing the ache there. He gave his usual awkward smile, watching as Vanya’s eyes drifted down to his body. He wanted to shy away but...</p><p>“Is this part of your power?” she asked slowly, stroking down his shoulder lightly.</p><p>“...no. It’s effected it but...” Luther stared at his lap. “I was in an accident and our father ‘<em>saved’</em> me. That’s all you really need to know.”</p><p>“...I’m sorry.”</p><p>“...don’t be.“</p><p>Vanya stood again for a moment to get a towel, drying off his face before gently applying the cream to his injuries. Luther couldn’t help a small laugh.</p><p>“You used to do this when we were kids,“ he said quietly, tilting his head a little, “I’m pretty durable, that’s why it took that guy so long to knock me out, so I never used to notice a lot of my injuries. Never let myself. But...you always did.”</p><p>He let out another laugh, briefly feeling some tension leave his shoulders. “You’d make me sit on my bed and you’d bandage my hands and press frozen peas on my ribs, wouldn’t take no for an answer. Didn’t do that for anyone else. Guess because they took care of themselves.”</p><p>“I sound like a brat!” Vanya cried, going back to the sink to wash her hands.</p><p>“No, you weren’t. Furthest thing from it. You were...<em>quiet</em>. So quiet. Those were some of the only times you stood up to me.”</p><p>He swallowed, tensing his fingers against his lap once more. “One...one of the last times I saw you, before we were grown up, you cleaned me up. Everyone left when we were seventeen...but I stayed with our father. He...<em>got</em> me. Got into my head.”</p><p>Vanya sat down next to him, resting one of her tiny pale hands on top of his huge <em>stupid ape fucking monster </em>hands. He twitched, trying hard to not flinch them away as he shook his head.</p><p>“Sorry. This probably isn’t helping you. I’m being selfish, just talking about myself.”</p><p>“You’re talking about <em>us</em>. Talk about the last time you saw me when we were kids. Anything could help.”</p><p>Luther gulped. <em>Shit</em>. “I...so, Five vanished when we were thirteen...then Ben died four years later. After that, Klaus left...then Diego...then Allison. And then you.”</p><p><strong><em>Shit</em></strong>. He never spoke about this. People knew a version of it though, because Vanya wrote about her last days at the Umbrella Academy in her book, and mentioned it in passing. A book she never remembers even writing.</p><p>“Allison and I were close and when she left, something finally...snapped in me. I realised how much I relied on everyone. You found me in the bathroom and I’d...I was...”</p><p>He cut himself off, sticking out his right arm stiffly, other hand tracing what was there. He couldn’t say it, but he could show it.</p><p>Vanya stared at the scars there. She’d noticed he was covered in scars anyway, up his left arm and seemingly over his chest and stomach. They looked more like burn scars, a shade of pink that almost blended into his mottled skin and hairy torso.</p><p>The scars here were thick and jagged, dragged over and over like...claw marks from a wild animal.</p><p>“I’m so strong I can just...<em>do</em> that.”<br/>Luther gulped, withdrawing his arm back, fist clenched in a way that dug his nails into his palm. He never usually let himself be this vulnerable, but after everything, perhaps he needed to be.</p><p>“You brought me back to focus, cleaned my arm and bandaged it,” he said, clasping his arms around his stomach, “And then in the night, you left.”</p><p>“...Luther, I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“<em>No</em>.”</p><p>He looked away, body tensing up again. “You don’t have to apologise. I was the idiot who stayed behind. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it all. All the ways I fucked up as a leader...as a brother.”</p><p>Giving a quick glance back, he could tell he’d overwhelmed Vanya. He knew she must have questions about what he did to her, why he apologised back in the barn.</p><p>Seeing her sat there next to him, Luther was reminded of just how small she was, how big he was, how he used that size and strength against her because he was scared and angry and thought he was doing the right thing. He had truly believed he was helping her by locking her up, and he couldn’t believe how stupid he’d been for that.</p><p>”Luther, I...forgive you,” Vanya said, her voice cracking as she did.</p><p>“Vanya-“</p><p>She cut him off with a raised hand. “I know. I don’t remember what happened. But what I know is you’re sincere. You meant that apology. Maybe when I get my memories back, I’ll be upset, but you’ve apologised.”</p><p>“I hurt you,” Luther said, bowing his head, “You were scared and you came to me for comfort and...I was scared because you’d done something bad, and I <em>hurt</em> you. Like I said...I’ve been a shitty big brother...we all had a hand in destroying the world.”</p><p>“...and I forgive you.”</p><p>Luther gritted his teeth as he felt her arm wrap around his waist, her head rest against his bicep. He wasn’t quite sure yet if he deserved such easy forgiveness, not so quickly anyway, but he couldn’t dwell any further as with a flash of light, Five appeared in his room.</p><p>“Are you two done talking yet?” he asked, folding his arms, “Only I need to still track down Allison and Klaus.”</p><p>“You need to track down <em>Klaus</em>,” Luther said curtly, standing up to grab his shirt, “I already found out where Allison lives-“</p><p>“Of course you did.”</p><p>“-<em>And</em> met her husband.”</p><p>This did seem to surprise Five. Was kind of satisfying to see the usual sneer drop from his face for a moment. “Huh. Nice guy?”</p><p>“Obviously.”</p><p>Luther did up his shirt buttons, glancing between his two smallest siblings. “First though...let’s get some dinner. I...I really need it.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>the car ride to the bbq place is very awkward as Vanya calls Five out for not telling her about the moon as Luther sits in the back seat like ._.</p><p><a href="https://twitter.com/UndeadSwine">Twitter</a> / <a href="https://starryeyedspaceboy.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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